As Americans we face many enemies, terrorists, communists, liberalists, they all seek to bring down America, but the Guy Manual assures us that we are safe. There is no way that America can truly be harmed by anyone, because we have a weapon, one that will keep every man, woman, and child safe…
And it’s called the M134 Minigun
AKA: Gods motherloving vengeance.
What’s that you say? You say that it’s only a weapon, and if people have a belief, that they will not be cowed by such technology? You’re saying that as long as they stand together under a common cause, people have the strength to topple governments and win wars? That united, the human race can do anything?
Well you’re wrong! And here’s why.
In case you using dialup and were unable to see the video, allow me to explain. That was a minigun in action, firing somewhere between 2 and 6 thousand rounds per minute. It’s firing a 7.62 mm NATO round, which costs around .50 cents, give or take two bucks depending from which black market you buy it from. That means if the minigun fires 4,000 rounds a minute, it amounts to around two thousand dollars for a full minute of pure, unadulterated bloody glory. Sure, that money could go to help things like the poor, lower the National Debt, and feed the hungry, but y’know what, the Guy Manual Speaks clearly.
“Thou shall use all available resources to shoot bigger guns than thy friend.” Resources 3:19
So screw, the hungry, let’s shoot some shit!
Ahh, my testosterone just shot up by 20%, that’s a six pack and half a football game right there.
So there you have it. With the minigun, we can simply drown North Korea in spent casing if we choose. In fact, the Manual offers a suggestion to use the minigun to free the world of terrorists.
“Thou shall strap thy minigun to a flying wagon, and proceed to mow down the douchebags with it.” Directions 23:16-17
The Manual shall not be defied! Strap that bitch to a helicopters and let’s take down Kony.